Book Review: Grieving With God

Tajuk: Grieving With God 

Penulis: Mizi Wahid 

Cerita Patung Beruang: 

Ini adalah naskah ke-7 yang berjaya Patung Beruang selesaikan pembacaan untuk tahun ini, Alhamdulillah. 

Mizi Wahid is one of my favourite authors. Kebiasannya beli saja buku beliau, Patung Beruang akan terus baca. Bermakna, karya-karya beliau ada keistimewaan untuk skip my to-do-read list, hehehe.. 

Anehnya, ia tidak berlaku untuk naskah ini. 

Naskah ini Patung Beruang beli di Kinokuniya Pavilion Damansara, penghujung tahun lepas. Selepas beli, naskah ini elok saja terletak di atas meja kerja didalam bilik tidur. Entah mengapa, Patung Beruang tidak rasa untuk membacanya walaupun Patung Beruang sedar topik yang ditulis untuk naskah ini sangat dekat dengan hati ini. 

Sehinggalah ketika Syawal baru-baru ini, Patung Beruang dikejutkan dengan kehilangan ahli keluarga terdekat. Berhari-hari Patung Beruang rasa sesak sangat dada ini. Sehingga di minggu ke-3 Syawal, Patung Beruang ternampak naskah ini di atas meja dan tergerak hati untuk mula membacanya. 

Dan seperti dijangka, tulisan Mizi Wahid ada soothing effect. Seperti seorang ayah yang sedang memberi nasihat pada anak yang sedang rapuh. Tutur kata yang lembut, intonasi yang mendamaikan dan cukup untuk memujuk hati yang sedang rawan. 

Menariknya Naskah Ini: 

Naskah Grieving With God dimulakan dengan detik-detik wafatnya Rasulullah SAW di Madinah. Bagaimana reaksi dan penerimaan Abu Bakar dan Umar, 2 orang sahabat baik Nabi Muhammad SAW ketika situasi tersebut. Kedua-dua mereka sangat mencintai Nabi terakhir ini, dan kedua-duanya bersedih dengan cara yang berbeza. 

"Umar - the embodiment of strength and justice, initially could not accept the grief. His heart refused to believe that the Prophet (SAW) could leave them. His sorrow erupted as denial, anger, and defiance. It was raw, uncontrolled grief. 

Abu Bakar, on the other hand - always composed, always steady, grieved with silent tears, deep kisses, and words of unwavering faith. His sorrow was wrapped in acceptance and submission to Allah's perfect decree."

Kesedihan kedua-dua sahabat Rasulullah SAW ini mengajar kita tentang walau betapa jatuhnya kita ketika itu, jangan sekali-kali ia menggoyahkan pergantungan kita kepada Allah SWT. Kerana pada akhirnya, hanya Allah SWT adalah sebaik-baik Perancang, ilmu dan kekuasaan-Nya tidak terbatas. 

Loss (Kehilangan) bukan semata-mata kerana kematian insan yang tersayang. Episod kehilangan itu sendiri besar maknanya. Perhaps we've experienced the heartbreak of a failed relationship, the anguish of losing job that defined us, or the emptiness that follows the collapse of a dream. Each loss carries its own weight, its own storm. 

Bab 2, penulis berkongsi tentang understanding grief. Grief is a universal experience, yet it manifests differently for each person. It is the emotional, physical, and spiritual reaction to loss - a complex process that impacts the very core of who we are. 

As per my experience, grief is not simply an emotion. It is a journey where we can feel disorienting, exhausting, and, at time, overwhelming. 

There are 5 stages of grief that illustrated as Elisabeth Kubler-Ross model which are: 

• Denial - the mind's way of protecting itself from the full weight of the loss. It's the initial reaction of disbelief, where we might find ourselves thinking, "This isn't real. This can't be happening."

• Anger - As the reality of the loss sets in, anger often follows. It can be directed at others, at oneself, or even at Allah. We keep on asking, "Why me? Why now? Why it did Allah allow this to happen?" 

• Bargaining - In the bargaining stage, we often find ourselves clinging to "what ifs" and "if only". It's an attempt to regain control in a situation where we feel utterly powerless. Bargaining is also the stage where many turn to Allah with desperate prayers. 

• Depression - This is often the heaviest stage, where the weight of the loss feels unbearable. A sense of emptiness, hopelessness, and isolation takes over. 

• Acceptance - Acceptance is not about forgetting the loss or pretending it doesn't hurt. It's about coming to terms with the reality of what has happened and finding a way to move forward with faith and purpose. It's recognizing that while life may never be the same, it can still hold meaning and joy. 

One of the most insightful concepts that Patung Beruang encountered in this book is the 5 phases of healing, explored through the lens of Islamic teachings and values as follows: 

• Phase 1: Initial Reaction (Shock) - The immediate emotional response to loss is often one of shock. The suddenness of death or separation can leave a person feeling numb, disoriented, or overwhelmed. 

• Phase 2: Spiritual Response (Patience / Sabar) - Once the initial waves of grief subside, Islam calls the believer towards patience. Patience is an active, hopeful, and trusting state upon Allah The Most Wise. To bear grief without complain, while allowing oneself to feel and eventually heal. 

• Phase 3: Emotional Response (Sorrow and Crying) - Islam validates sorrow. Feeling sadness is not a sign of weak faith, but rather a reflection of the heart's tenderness and depth. Sadness, when channeled with sincerity, can become a bridge that brings the heart nearer to Allah, transforming pain into devotion. 

• Phase 4: Spiritual Acceptance (Acceptance of Takdir) - Understanding that everything occurs by Allah's will and wisdom. 

• Phase 5: Transformation (Turning Grief into Power and Purpose) - The final and most empowering stage is when grief becomes a force for greater faith, courage, and contribution. True healing comes not just from remembrance, but from channeling the pain of loss into strength and service. 

Bab 5: Faith in the Face of Despair. 

Seperti yang Patung Beruang sebut diatas tadi, grief is a journey. One that ebbs and flows, sometimes catching us off guard when we least expect it. 

First, we have to validate our pain. It is ok to feel despair. It is ok to feel lost, to cry, to question, and to struggle. These emotions are sign of our humanity, not a sign of weakness. 

When despair feels overwhelming, take small, deliberate steps to reconnect with life such as: 

• Seek Support - Talk to someone we trust. Sharing our pain lighten the burden. 

• Rebuild Routines - Grief disrupts life, but slowly re-establishing daily habits can help create a sense of stability. 

• Engage in Worship - Solat, zikir, and reciting Quran can provide solace and remind us of Allah's presence. 

• Find a Purposeful Outlet - Volunteer, start a project, or dedicate time to something our loved one cared about. Turning our grief into action can be healing. 

• Take It One Day at a Time - We don't have it all figured out. Focus on today, and let tomorrow come in its own time. 

Karya Mizi Wahid jarang mengecewakan. Dan naskah ini juga tidak terkecuali. Kini Patung Beruang faham mengapa Allah gerakkan hati ini untuk membelinya tahun lepas tapi tidak terus membaca. Rupanya, Allah nak beri masa yang paling tepat untuk Patung Beruang teliti satu-persatu initipati dari naskah ini, Alhamdulillah. Benarlah, perancangan Allah itu sentiasa yang terbaik. 

Patung Beruang baca naskah ini perlahan-lahan. Baca sedikit demi sedikit ketika lunch hour ataupun sebelum tidur. Ada banyak kupasan dalam naskah ini yang Patung Beruang berhenti seketika untuk refleks apa yang diri alami selama ini, dan bagaimana untuk memperbaikinya, supaya grieving itu tidak berlarutan. Ini antara buku yang banyak Patung Beruang tulis notes, gariskan point-point penting dan juga letak sticker, supaya mudah untuk diri ini rujuk semula di kemudian hari.

Generally, we don't have to go through this grieving alone. It's ok to feel broken, to ask questions, and to heal slowly.  Naskah ini penuh dengan tips dan panduan for the grieving soul. Ultimately, this book helps us to make sense of the pain, find hope in the silence, and remember that God never leaves a grieving heart unanswered. 

Our grief is a reflection of our love. And that love is something that no one can ever take away from us.

But, remember this.. 

Allah is with us. He sees our tears, hears our prayers, and knows the ache in our heart. And He is closer to us than our jugular vein. 

So, take our time to grieve. No rush, no deadline. 

But.. 

Don't let our grief define us. Because we are so much more than our pain. We are a person with a purpose, a heart capable of so much more, and a soul destined for eternal peace....